"Anguish" Preview | Confinement

I haven't updated this blog in months. It's become a bad habit indeed, but maybe after having completed an actual project (finally!) I'll have mustered the motivation necessary to update this more often, and perhaps more regularly.

But that's neither here or there; this post is about a preview into that "actual project", entitled "Anguish." It will be a collection of poems centering around my very long battle with anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and inability to be chipper most of the time. I'm going to look into various avenues through which I can publish the collection into a book. Eventually I'll capture a visual element to complement the book, and that, along with visual tweaks of the actual literary element when applied to paper, will find its way into another edition.

Further edits for clarity and for the general fuck of it may be forthcoming until the collection actually gets published for good.

Without further ado, here's a preview of "Confinement." Note: this, along with the rest of the collection, was written in free-verse style.

You became blind

Your heart wrenches

You taste gloom

You see no way out

Your breaths falter

Your heart is in a vice

You recollect life

Your light dims

You beg for escape

You grasp for...something

Your hope now wanes

Your heart begins to break

You then throw it in

You perceive the end

Your lungs collapse

You cannot scream now

You finally glimpse happiness

You gripe at the prospect

You know the awful truth

You know you are in confinement

'Pith' Concept Poem

I'm clamping these crimson fists together

I've wrought much agony tonight

The pain, the wanting, the de facto nature;

The individual grasped, the identity in sight

The burning need of independent thought

Inhibited, bridled only by the living of her

This will make for a dream of dreams

A maniacal quality unheard of by most

Unsought of by most, if not all

Unsound, if even ethically stark in its quality

Matricidal intent is ubiquitously forsaken

But my desire is, in exchange, all for the taking

It was but wracking to muse;

The lover and the giver in me strongly refused

But nature prevailed and though my sanity's since sailed

A world's weight was instantly loosed from my shoulders

At the snuff of a light, the passing of one's pain

That whom birthed a sheltered life then razed by my hand

The soothsayers, the playwrights, the poets

They all shyly wrote, all timidly spoke, all penned this stage;

A child snuffing the mother and, oh in its bitterness

The child thus reborn, at the bloody loss of the mother

I broke the chain, and carved my path that beckoned to me;

I've set myself irrevocably, veritably free

Sanguinary Creature

In the accusatory light of everyday
I successfully masquerade
Two figments of mind equally insane
Get me off the fucking street!

Insatiable thirst for gore built up
No need to mention I'm fucked up
In the slammer I've plummeted
Now need to kill to get back up

Need you ask why? Are you blind?
Isn't my visceral nature a sign?
I guess I must rip out your spine
By then it might be too late for you

Oh but I'd rather take pleasure
In the insatiable act of torture
Your screams are the only measure
Get me off the fucking street!

Welcome me Driver!
Welcome me Driver!
Welcome me Driver!
I'm back, your lord, Driver!