Jurassic World review (2015, Action/Adventure/Science Fiction/Horror, Universal Pictures)

Life found a way.

The 1992 original was an accomplishment of film-making for the ages, to be written into history books. It set new standards, kicked dinosaur popularity into high-gear, and even brought some (long since obsolete) innovations to paleontology itself. Just those three achievements alone made the original a very difficult feat to replicate, let alone top off with a sequel. 

To speak of sequels means I should quickly spell out why both of them were not quite worthy of their production; The Lost World lost damn near all the sense of charm & wonderment, while III appeared more like a cash-grab than a legitimate attempt to keep fanning the flames first lit in 1992. The first sequel saw Ian Malcolm go to Site B to collect his girlfriend from certain (and definitely inevitable, given the character's weaknesses) demise although all sense of chaos and desperation was lost. The third film made sure to shoe-horn Dr. Grant for lip service, and to be the one sane guy in a jaunt amongst understandably pissed monsters. But that's in the past.

And this movie is kind of stuck in it.

Our subject, Jurassic World, was stuck in development hell for 10 long years. Colin Trevorrow, the director of the final product, wasn't always helmed in the role. Nor were Bryce Dallas Howard as Claire Dearing & Chris Pratt as Owen Grady originally slated to appear as characters. And the I.Rex was not originally intended to be the dino villain. But, that's what we ended up getting here and it's not to the film's detriment, but there's something amiss in the film that is. It's a particular feeling of...been there, done that.

This nigh $1 billion grossing, record-setting film doesn't do anything new for the franchise, and the little, few things it does that are new for the series are, of course, of little consequence. Nonetheless, these are neat new grounds to tread; the genetic mish-mash abomination in the Indominus Rex (casually referred to as the "I.Rex"), and Owen Grady's trainer/lion dynamic with the film's velociraptors. The former serves as the film's primary villain and displays a staggering degree of cognitive understanding & adaptive intellect, whilst the latter is a Chekov's gun.

The 1993 original film was lauded as a landmark achievement in special effects, thanks to the skills on hand at Industrial Light & Magic. Twenty-two years later and Jurassic World doesn't really up the ante at all, which is a shame, but it doesn't mean it is a step down. The Mosasaur is one of the more impressive feats to be seen in the film's run, and practical effects weren't completely bereft of their grandiosity and relevance. There was a gaffe that could have been corrected in the editing stage, however: an avian dinosaur can be seen clipping through the aviary in a blink & you'll miss it moment.

Otherwise, the film retreads much of the same ground previously trodden in the franchise  ̶   two children directly tied to park manager/owner find themselves in peril, something goes wrong in the park's defenses and all hell breaks loose, a dinosaur (or in this case, dinosaurs) save the day from the big bad Dino, and even character archetypes return. While repeating old tropes isn't in itself a bad thing, it's the stunning fact that the movie does nothing to stand out from the franchise that is.

Why is that inexcusable? Well, it's because of the previously mentioned development time, as more could have been done with the final release. Ten years could have, should have produced a superior flick. It could have truly surprised moviegoers and fans alike, but alas, it didn't do that for me. It paid too much lip-service to the previous films, especially the first, and did almost nothing to set itself apart.

It is a genuine thrill-ride, however. Damn near every scene with the I.Rex in it will see chaos and death ensue in the process, and the raptors are as nasty as ever. A new dinosaur to the films, the Mosasaur, makes a welcome entry into the fray and serves as an important plot device. The pteranodons have become menacing and are used by the villainous I.Rex to sow disarray and bloodshed. Bryce Dallas Howard manages to brave Isla Nublar in its entirety whilst wearing high heels for fuck's sake. And Star-Lord is the god damned alpha of a pack of raptors rather than the leader of galactic misfits. There can't be anything in this movie you'd say you didn't like no matter how stupid they were.

But there's plenty that you may not like at all. There are plot-holes left unexplained, there are leaps & outright debasements of logic, and then there's the fact that it took ten god damn years for moviegoers, whether they're fans or not, to get this rather mediocre installment. Owen Grady and, uh, Bryce Dallas Howard apparently have chemistry that we're supposed to believe is genuine. Yet, people probably paid more attention to Owen Grady being a headstrong badass who is a composite of Dr. Grant & Dr. Malcolm from the original film. The kids do evoke a sense of actual sibling chemistry, but it doesn't go anywhere in this film because it wasn't made to be a drama. At the same time, however, the older brother is a dick to the younger brother and really, these kids received so little development in comparison to those in the original movie so why should anyone really care? The woman who plays the assistant tasked with looking after them goes through what may be the biggest "kick the dog" moment in the franchise (a merit, albeit a kind of sad one, for the film indeed). And a few rather dull scenes involving the kids' parents, in the midst of a divorce (it is why the kids were sent off to Isla Nublar), add timid, rather pointless drama to a film that would rather be having fun.

Somehow, some cliche sci-fi villain dude thinks that raptors would make great replacements for highly-trained field infantry in the game of war. Somehow Owen gets his hands on the chunk of flesh  that the I.Rex ripped out of its own body in spite of the fact that Owen was nowhere near where the I.Rex did it. Somehow someone thought it was a good idea to go inside of the I.Rex's pen despite the lack of intel on where the fucking thing actually is. Somehow the park's owner has no idea what actually went into the I.Rex's design until the movie demands the 'shocking' revelation. Somehow the I.Rex catches up with Owen & Dearing when they're investigating the old park visitor center (well after the boys had left) even though it had been stated multiple times before that the I.Rex was on a direct course to the park proper. Somehow the boys are able to fix a 22 year old Jeep by replacing the battery for it, and the damn thing runs as if it were fresh out of the auto-shop. Somehow none of the idiots thought to trigger the shock collar technology they have on each dinosaur when there's a whole flock of avian dinos closing in on the park's visitors. Somehow Claire Dearing pulls off the entire flick walking/running around in high god damn heels, and even manages to outrun ol' Rexy wearing those fucking things. Somehow, and this is for last, why did someone think that the raptors (in spite of their clandestine status on the island and being feared so much because of previous movies) should be made all over again?

Oh and product placement. Holy fucking shit, guys.

And it really does have fun. But very little of the fun in the movie is original fun. I must re-iterate: this film took 10 god damn years to make. It was stuck in development hell for most of that duration, but there's little excuse to get a movie that hardly stands out on its own in a franchise that, in spite of its raw earning power, hasn't critically pleased anyone in over 20 years. At least it's guaranteed that a sequel will be ordered, but will they at least try to do something interesting with it?

                                                                             

C

The Good: 

+ Chris Pr--Star-Lord, leading a pack of (scientifically inaccurate) velociraptors. Stupid, but fun.

+ They didn't discard any all practical effects

+ Final battle is nonsensical but it is fun nonsense. 

+ The Mosasaur is a welcome addition to the bestiary.
+ A tad bit of tension can be felt in the scene where our hero has to investigate the I.Rex's compound.
+ That scene where the assistant gets chomped on by the Mosasaur. That scene.
+ It's another Jurassic Park movie. Only the first one truly stands the test of time (the rest are... serviceable at best).

The Bad: 

- In many ways this is a re-tread of the first film. Only that movie had a superior director, character development, tension, and Jeff Goldblum.
- It's PG-13.
- The special effects gaffe mentioned previously produces unintended chuckles.

- Somehow the boys manage to "fix" a vehicle that was left unattended with zero maintenance for twenty years running as if it were brand new. Keep in mind that the setting is tropical, and goes through hurricanes at least once a year. Also, one of the night vision goggles seen briefly in the original film, in spite of running on battery power, still works. Ever heard of battery drain? What about leakage?
- Hoskins is a very weak character with vaguely implied ties into the massacre in the park.
- Predictable plot that gets more predictable with the more shoutouts to previous films that you can literally rattle off by the minute.
- What kind of park and its owners doesn't understand what their most ferocious dinosaur is made from?
- A few forced lines of comedy.
- The CGI is on overload in comparison to the original movie, which used it sparingly. And to top it all off it hasn't even grown all that much better in quality since 22 years ago.
- Owen is a total jackass to Claire
- Claire is a total airhead and is not fit to manage a park with giant killer animals that should have been left extinct in the first place.
- Nowhere near as suspenseful as the original movie.
- A leap in logic regarding how the raptors behave in the movie.
- The fight at the end, in spite of its entertainment value, very likely wouldn't have happened if the film didn't predictably call for the action contained within.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   EDIT: Wanted to update some of the body of the review to coincide with my vwawdd                                                                                                                                                            

Tomb Raider Review (PS3, PS4, Xbox 360, Xbox One, PC, Mac, 2013, Crystal Dynamics/Square Enix/Eidos Interactive/Feral Interactive)

Look at that headline. Oh and spoilers are ahead.

And forget about it, because survival is hardly the point of the game at all. You know what it really is? It's to get off the island with a sordid history with your guns blazing. If you have to route hundreds of desperate lunatics loaded for bear on the way to your escape, then so be it. Oh and, since Lara is conveniently an archaeology student, you'll find some artifacts in your journey. But that's really not the point of this entry in the series.

Not at all.

Already we're off to a great start with this review. And it's not to foreshadow a negative one, really, it is just a means of venting some of my frustrations with this game. I've been a fan of this series since the first game, and short of the Crystal Dynamics titles (which left fans divided), I've played them all. They certainly did suffer from sequelitis given that each title was released year after year, but you always got an all-new story and a whole slew of new challenges to come with them. Yes, they didn't all have tombs, and arguably the best entry in the series, the third game, didn't even have any, but if you're going to include tombs then at least make them worth your while. Also, the point of the old games wasn't to kill everything in sight over and over again, it was to explore obscure areas to obtain an artifact of great power. 

The essence of the series is virtually gone in this title. How so, you may ask?

There are tombs, sure, but they were most likely an afterthought. Each one follows the same exact formula: go through a brief walk wherein you can't draw any weapons (for whatever reason, given that nothing happens each time) and you hold a source of light, come across some kind of chamber with a puzzle (I previously used the plural, which is inaccurate), then solve the puzzle to access a chest full of...XP. I'm not kidding, all you get is XP when you beat these admittedly piss-easy 'tombs'. With almost no exception are there are pitfalls or traps to overcome in this game's tombs, so what the fuck is the point of including them at all when you just get some experience points out of them and nothing actually interesting, like artifacts?

Oh and, if you're a glutton for the saturated shooter market, then you'll love this title. In spite of the mysterious traits of the island, where you apparently cannot leave due to some magical forces, you're too busy gunning down hundreds of boring mooks through almost the entire game. They are nutty, desperate, and are effectively a small army. This game was compared quite often to Far Cry 3, and given some of the features shared between the two games, it's kind of apt. On another front, you'll think that this was a Michael Bay production, because explosions occur often inexplicably as if there are barrels of petroleum everywhere. Oh and there's a lot of blood; a hell of a lot. Even a god damn creek consists of seemingly none other than blood. And Lara swims through it.

And spills it a lot, too.

Lots of detractors of the series would complain about the old Lara's ridiculous chest proportions, calling it a sexist portrayal of women (they'd be about half-right). Where are those some detractors in regard to this game, where she becomes a gung-ho mass slaughterer with mood swings? First she was an oversexed but cold anti-hero, and now she's a blood knight on a killing spree. Poor Lara will never be a proper role model at this rate.

So another thing I'd like to complain about is the nature of the game world. It seems open world, and it kind of is in some regards. One way is that it allows you to travel from one save spot to another upon their discovery. Also, each major location has a number of collectibles and minor sub-quests to endure, requiring very little thought to complete. However, that's really where this aspect ends and where the sheer linearity, deceptively hidden from the casual player at that, becomes obvious. You're only allowed to explore so much before you're rendered unable to go where you feel like. This game relies on context-sensitive controls, such as Lara hoisting herself onto the top of ledges and grabbing onto the sides of cliffs to climb them. You can only do those actions, among others, wherever the developers wanted you to go. Because if you could go where you wanted to then the game's flaws would start to become readily apparent to you. That's what I assume, anyway.

I must say, though, that this game is fucking gorgeous. It may not possess the most striking level of detail seen in gaming, even for its release year, but it's definitely well designed. The single best looking aspect of the game is Lara herself, who looks so human that I thought I was dreaming. The sheer amount of work that went into her design, from her skin to the way dirt & blood smears her person, and then how the lighting and shadows bring out the best and the worst in her, is absolutely impressive. You won't leave all that impressed by anything else but when you're near the coastal areas of the island, you'll see some spectacular, yet chaotic vistas that are appropriate given the theme of the game.

In spite of my knocking of the excessive action sequences, they are not without a strength or two. If you dig this kind of non-stop action then this game won't disappoint. And it can get a little tense at times, which is always welcome. However, there's just not much depth to any of them because you don't have to worry about much in the face of battle. In the old games, you had non-regenerating health and had limited means of healing; here, you have much less health but it regenerates quickly if you hide, like almost all action games seem to do these days. 

Let's develop on that last bit there. One thing this game is missing from the old titles is an inventory system; it is non-existent here. Gone are the days of managing your limited resources, and cherishing each pickup that you'd find in the Tomb Raider games of yore. Here, you pick up so much ammo so often, and are given new weapons so easily that you really don't come to care much about any of them. They're simply a way of quickly neutralizing all the bad guys you face constantly. You can also use your ice pick to brutally kill foes from a short range. Oh and as mentioned above, don't worry about health kits, because if you're hurt then all you need to do is hide for a moment or two to heal. As a consequence of the lack of inventory, there are no meaningful secrets to discover, no hidden rewards for actually exploring the environment.

If anything else, the battles become tedious because there's no depth to beating them except for making sure she doesn't die. If you can aim your gun and pull the trigger, then that's really all there is to it. Sure, the old games weren't much better than this, but you had to account for your vulnerabilities as well. When you're close to death, the game grays out, so it's hard to die at all. Enemies are not strategically placed, and don't poise a challenge, but rather act as props to shoot at. They do take cover, and may have various abilities/equipment that will add variety to each encounter, but the old games had this too, in spades. 

Lara does control well, though. She's also well animated, given that there is motion capture at work. But she responds to your actions accordingly and with fluidity, which is a good touch.

In the games of old, Lara often keeled over and died; it was uncommon for her death to play out differently, unless she of course landed on spikes. In this game, however, her deaths are cruel and gruesome. She's even subjected to a near-fatal beatdown by two of the nutbars you have to kill in the game, and much earlier she's threatened with rape. At the get-go, Lara gets impaled and set on fire. Fail to match the on-screen prompts right and she'll get crushed beneath tonnes of rock, impaled on re-bar, get impaled through the head, and many other things. She endures multiple injuries throughout the course of the plot. This game is brutal as far as violence goes, because you can put your enemies through hell too, including jabbing an axe into your enemies' jugulars. It's a wonder none of the detractors towards the second and third Tomb Raider games were screaming bloody murder in regards to this one.

There are a lot of set pieces to go through in this game, so you'll have to come to live with it. Most of the time these set pieces are playable, to an extent, but where the old games would leave it completely up to you to overcome the challenges, this game just sends buttons prompts your way that are more trial & error based than skill-based. Also, reports from players of earlier versions of the PC port cited the inability to correctly complete some or all quick-time events, due to a few bugs. They're also highly numerous, often in excess, and it's a common criticism that must be emphasized. If you can't stand QTEs, then you're going to be annoyed to all hell when you play through this game.

After playing through the game completely the first time, I noticed a few game design choices that I would like to call 'condescending'. The aforementioned QTEs, which comes in such a quantity as to feed Africa were it a food source, are one of those things. Another condescending game design comes in the form of the Survival Instinct feature, that which can be abused as needed by the player. It highlights all interactive objects/items/terrain in your immediate vicinity, and even shows pillars of light for far away places of interest such as checkpoints. As indicated, it can be used ad nauseum; there is no limit as to how long or how often you can use it. So if you just want to plow through a "puzzle" section, of which there are few that are worth critical thought, just press the button to execute the Survival Instinct ability and have your hand held.

Another condescending game design is in how little the game expects you to master. Want to traverse a narrow length of wood requiring intense focus and balancing? Just jump at it and Lara clings to it, never at risk of falling off unless a cutscene demands it. Want to even try exploring your surroundings beyond the small hub sections? The game will outright refuse to acknowledge what you're doing as you plummet to your death. Want to learn on your own how to perform, and thus improve, the abilities you learn over the course of the game? Well fuck you, says Crystal Dynamics, because we're going to tell you how to do everything new and leave nothing to the imagination.

So let's get down to the story: Lara and a group of friends are on an expedition near Japan, and they get shipwrecked near an island. It becomes immediately apparent that previous ships have met the same fate, so something does seem off. Lara is separated from her group and has to find them whilst avoiding a number of pitfalls. As she gets further into the island, it is clear that a bunch of crazies inhabit the island. Soon after meeting up with the gang, they set out to escape from the island. Yet some force is preventing their exodus, and they have to deal with the army of crazy assholes with guns and all that.

That's pretty much the gist of the story. A rescue plane gets struck by lightning and crashes; there's ritual sacrifice to appease some spirit; an army of undead samurai sets their sights on Lara, and other crap. It's not terrible but it doesn't do anything remotely intriguing with its premise. In actuality, it is an excuse to kill more and more bad guys. After all, the focus of the game is not on the adventure & hunting of artifacts, but of trying to get off of the island and shooting everything in your way.

There's nothing wrong with innovation, of taking an old formula further than ever before. But this game took steps backward, and not forward. Somehow Crystal Dynamics took a series that had an identity of its own into territory that renders it generic & trite. Fantastic visuals and sometimes thrilling action sequences can't save this game from earning much of my displeasure. It may be somewhat unfair to compare it so heavily to previous entries in the franchise, but how could you fault me for doing so when I consider it one of my favorite game series of all time? 

The Rundown:

Positives 

+ Some of the best visuals you'll experience out of 2013

+ It is very story-driven, so if you're into that, then this will deliver.

+ To expand on the above, Lara Croft looks stunningly real. The detail on her is borderline crazy.

+ Has a few legitimately thrilling action sequences.

+ There is a tiny bit of exploration to do, so it's not a straight-up linear game.

+ Lara gets a lot of focus, and has a bit of character development too, which was admittedly in short supply in older games.

+ It does have tombs, but...

Negatives

- Why have tombs when you won't do anything exciting or challenging with them? It's pretty much pointless. Solve a simple puzzle, avoid no traps or pitfalls, and open up a chest at the end that rewards experience points. Rinse & repeat. Screw that shit.

- Way too many QTEs for my liking, and they're too finicky, so they often end up killing the player character because of somewhat shoddy programming.

- The story is kind of dull. Doesn't help that it takes a big backseat to the actual gameplay.

- No inventory or any kind of item management.

- Sometimes resembles a Michael Bay flick with the constant explosions.

- No survival gameplay to speak of, despite the "a survivor is born" tagline.

- Takes several steps backward and ends up being a generic third-person shooter with light adventure elements thrown in.

- Has one of the most condescending game mechanics ever programmed in the history of gaming: the survival instinct function, which highlights everything important in the game world. Say bye to actual exploration and/or honing of skills.

- None of the characters you deal with are intriguing and besides, this game is not about them, but about Lara. So why should we care?

- The undead samurai enemies you fight near the end are far easier to defeat than one would hope, so their eventual appearance in-game loses all menace.

- It's so violent and cynical yet I wonder why we, as gamers, are supposed to take all of it so seriously in spite of the series being heavily inspired by the Indiana Jones franchise.

C