(Originally posted on Zuckerberg's evil domain)
The Liberals will make bold promises and deliver on some of them & renege on the others. They'll pat your pack and shake your hand with a nice smile and watch you walk away. However, sometimes, they'll wait for you to turn your back and stab you there, likely with a table knife. They'll virtue-signal and continue acting like they're looking out for all Canadians, and pretend they did nothing wrong in the times in which they do. They'll be maddeningly inconsistent and screw up on a bunch of golden opportunities to do the right thing. At least they didn't betray Canadians outright like the Conservatives would have done (makes me shudder sometimes when I think about this), seeing as they produced the flawed but necessary CERB (which transitioned to a modified EI). They'll claim they're feminists as well, weirdly enough. Oh and they probably won't see what they're doing sometimes because they seem to have poor optics regarding scandalous things. I should add that Trudeau will be blamed for everything and I MEAN EVERYTHING that ever happens or has happened or MAY happen – even the fall of the Roman Empire or the fact that cats will shit behind your couch no matter how well you feed the little fucker or how well you treat it, those damn ingrates...
The Conservatives will make bold promises and deliver almost none of them & actually do the polar opposite (think taxes, regulations, spending, etc.) instead. They'll pat your back but when you turn around and walk away, they'll stab you in the back with a butcher's knife. Some of these Conservatives will throw in extra cruelty by either shooting and/or stabbing you a bunch of times in mostly non-vital areas and leave you in agony. Perhaps they'll even put you in a state of slow and painful eventual death if they're more murderous than usual. Think Jason Kenney & Doug Ford – two criminals calling themselves premiers. Throw in a shit-eating grin and deflection/projection galore. Their insidious, despicable, treacherous nature is particularly true if you're old, disabled, and not rich & white. Maybe add "Christian" to that formula but frankly, nobody, even those with the qualities I just listed, are safe from this party's true nature. They don't think residential schools are bad and they own much of the media in this fucking country so we're f––
Oh shit, was I censored? So much for freedom of speech.
Anyway...
The NDP will play both sides but pretend they're looking out for us, the layperson, all the while. They'll vote on something that should be done, on half-measures that the Liberals propose, and other variably populist proposals one minute, then blast it as treacherous and anti-Canadian the next. They'll pat your back and do nothing more than that, unless you're John Horgan in B.C in which he'll stab you in the back and almost completely abandon you to your fate. Oh and they'll use Conservative tactics like gaslighting and virtue-signalling (heh, they all do now that I mention it) in their social media posts, and never actually address issues with their platform. Don't read their twitter feeds if you don't want to feel like they've abandoned their platform and YOU.
The Bloc Quebecois will fixate almost entirely on Quebec, whose population (to some extent) wants to separate from the rest of the country. They'll do almost nothing if it doesn't involve Quebec somehow. They'll agree with the Liberals when it suits them (like the NDP does) but otherwise, they don't give a flying fuck about anyone else as long as it concerns Quebec. They'll use a butter knife to spread mayonnaise on their pulled-pork sandwiches, or a spoon to scoop the same stuff into their poutine. They'll stab you in the back with that same butter knife, dirty or no, as long as you're from Quebec. They're feckless and inconsequential to the rest of the country.
The Green Party will hardly do anything because 1) they are too busy with infighting over the Israel-Palestine conflict and alleged sexism & racism within their ranks, and 2) they've only ever achieved two, maybe THREE MP's in the House of Commons at any given point in their time as a party. They'll use a wood chip and rub it on your skin to give you a sliver or two, then tell you that you're a racist & sexist if you protest. They claim to care about the environment, though.
The People's Party will whine and moan about how they should be in charge but "The Regime" is holding them back. They won't do much of anything to anyone because they got a paltry <1% of the vote in the 2019 election. They're a more honest Conservative party in essence but because they're so ineffective at gaining a political foothold, they'll have a hard time stabbing people in the back like the Conservatives do on a regular basis and in the same scale. They'll get themselves arrested in a Conservative-led province, blame the FEDERAL Liberals (for whatever fucking demented reason?), go on some right-wing asshole's TV-program/Podcast/some-such and whine like the (mostly) irrelevant man-babies that they are. Oh and they will hide their white-supremacist bona-fides all the while, oops.
The Independents hardly exist & don't have any real power in the federal elections but they'll stab each other in the back whenever it suits their individual needs. One of them (me, at least, I was in the 2019 election) will have done something futile in one election: cast a protest vote. I have a couple of knives to my name but I'd rather stab an inanimate object than a person kthnxbi.
/fin
